When you’re in conflict you may feel like you’ve failed. It can seem like your relationship itself is failing. You may think you’re not supposed to have conflict, or at least you should know how to be good at conflict.
And are there other times when you get so angry you can’t trust your response and you believe that if you open your mouth you’ll only make it worse?
And if you lose your ability to think clearly, maybe you don’t even understand why you are angry, so how can you argue effectively?
You might be thinking, “If I don’t take an aggressive stance, then they’ll ‘win’ and I’ll end up resentful – again.” You may get confused and shut down feeling desperate and helpless.
How can you stand up for yourself and still be open to the other person? How can you maintain your values and integrity while you’re in conflict?
What if conflict can bring you closer together? What if conflict can lead to re-discovering hope and a deeper connection? What if your disagreements with your spouse or your partner built a foundation of understanding instead of wearing you both down in arguments.
You grew up with your own version of what conflict looks like. Maybe you remember what it feels like when there’s lots of yelling or when you were given the silent treatment. Conflict doesn’t have to look like that.
It’s actually unhealthy for a relationship to suppress conflict. Conflict is universal.
You can shift your understanding and experience of conflict so that you can be the partner you want to be and both you and your spouse or partner can feel understood and loved.
You just need to develop good habits.