I don’t think it’s possible to suppress our judgments. We judge and we’re going to judge. So, the best thing to do is judge away – really hear what your judgments are – especially because your judgements are going to lead you to your needs.

Just noticing I’m triggered. It sounds simple and yet I get a lot of benefit from it. If I can say I’m triggered, then I’m also observing myself. I’m agitated. I’m believing I’m right. And I’m also seeing myself in that state, “Oh, what is it? Oh, I’m triggered. What’s going on? I’m thinking I’m right. I’m thinking they’re wrong. That’s probably a simple way of looking at the world.

I don’t want to deny my judgments. I don’t want to believe my judgments, but I want to let myself judge in order to discover what it is that’s really bothering me. And if I discover what’s bothering me, then I know what I want and I can start communicating with myself or with the other person from that place.

I want to know what my needs are so that when I open my mouth I’m including that in my expression rather than my labels – the critical definitions of the person I’m in conflict with. I’m much more likely to create a base where a conversation can develop from there than if I go in labeling the situation. And most of the time I’m going to label the situation, “I’m right and you’re wrong.” or “I’m innocent and the other person is guilty.”

One suggestion I have, to myself and to others, is to check out if we’re indulging in a feeling of certainty. That’s where I would want to express caution. Check out if we are reveling in our feeling of righteous indignation and righteous certainty about, “I understand why things are the way they are. I understand the problem.” And then defining it – so, it’s a piece of self-responsibility and self-awareness to notice.

It’s like junk food. It feels good in the moment to judge and then we want to check out, “Is that really true? Do I really have all the information?” and, “What are my needs?” rather than, “I’m right and this person is wrong.”

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